


Sorry I Stabbed You

by Mathemagician37



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-20 19:44:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6022486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mathemagician37/pseuds/Mathemagician37
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My take on what happened after drinking tequila at Kara's place at the end of 1x13.<br/>(aka a fix-it fic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So it says it's a one-shot, but I might have a second chapter up my sleeve. So if some of you are interested, I will resume what I've already written on that and post it. Anyway, I'm in denial and I want Astra to live. Therefore this piece. Enjoy. ^^

Alex stumbled through the hallways of her apartment building, going home after a night of food and drinks at Kara’s place. I had been five hours since she had impaled general Astra with a sword in order for her to die in her niece’s arms. She had tried to drown the guilt she felt at Kara’s place after, opening bottle after bottle of wine. But the alcohol had done nothing but dull her senses, and now she was barely keeping herself upwards.

She fumbled with her keys, having trouble putting them in the lock. After a few futile attempts, she’d finally heard the click that indicated that she could successfully open the door. When she walked through it, she had half-expected to encounter the situation as it presented itself in that moment, but her mind was also too intoxicated to process it quickly enough to keep up.

“Judging from your face, I’d say we succeeded?”

The words came from a ghost, and it almost caused Alex to fall backwards against the door she’d just closed behind her. But she was sort of prepared, so she was able to maintain her balance. She nodded, trying to focus on just standing up.

“Yes.” She muttered. She just wanted to lie down and sleep. Preferably for several years. But she knew she had to face the situation as it was, and she couldn’t just leave her company. “Kara believes you’re dead. They all do.”

“Non took my remains?” Astra questioned, stepping closer to Alex. The younger woman looked tired, and drunk above all. But it was all to disguise a deeper emotion, she could tell. One that she felt as well, and couldn’t even imagine the way Alex felt it. Guilt.

Astra figured she should feel guilty for betraying her own people. Her own husband. But she felt more guilty for the sadness she saw on Kara’s face when she thought she was dying. How she had considered her family, even after all that had happened. All that Astra had done and inflicted upon her.

Kara really was her mother’s child.

And then there was this woman, standing in front of her, that called herself her sister. That Kara called her sister in return. Astra had liked Alex from the moment she’d seen her. The moment she’d seen how strong she was. How reckless, and willing to do everything to keep her loved ones safe. Especially Kara. And that day she had witnessed with her own eyes how much Alex cared about her sister. How much she was willing to sacrifice to do the right thing. How good of a soldier she was. She would be proud to call Alex her soldier.

As unbreakable as Astra had assumed her to be; as broken as she seemed right in that moment, standing before her, with her hair slightly ruffled and her face flushed with drunkenness. She was trying to keep herself composed, standing up straight and keeping herself from swaying too much, but Astra saw right through her charades. She wanted to do something, but wasn’t quite sure what the right tactics would be.

“Yes.” Alex replied tiredly. She stepped closer to the other woman, only to move past her and slump down on her couch. She had to fight the urge to let herself fall asleep right there, forcing herself to take off her boots instead. She was at a loss for words, her mind not working along with her, and it was not helping that she didn’t really want to either.

That afternoon Alex had convinced Astra to help them. For Kara. If she really loved her family, and wanted to honor the memory of her twin sister, she should save their world. And eventually she had caved. Her heart hadn’t been in the war anymore. It had been with Kara, and how her niece still thought she had a chance at redemption. Still a chance to be good.

But it was already too late, Astra had thought. And that was more or less true. Most of the plans they’d made had been accomplished and they were merely steps away from executing their endgame. So they needed something bigger, something more powerful to be able to beat the Kryptonians. And together Astra and Alex had come to the conclusion they’d need Astra to do that. And the element of surprise.

Faking her death.

It would be the perfect act. It would strike Non in the heart, and with Astra gone to lead the army aside of him, they’d have a minor setback with that alone, already. Not to speak of all the harm they could do with the inside knowledge, now that Astra had joined their side. And on top of that they had the power of another alien on their side. And the combination of those things were supposed to be giving them a fighting chance.

And that was the only reason that Alex Danvers had agreed on their plan. Had accepted that she had to pretend to kill Astra. Had to break Kara’s heart, and eventually let Hank take responsibility for Astra’s death. But Alex carried the full force of it. Of the lie as well. And it weighed heavily on her shoulders.

Astra having to live with her to ensure others would presume her dead was just an added bonus. She wondered quietly if the woman would disappear if she closed her eyes for long enough, but she wasn’t nearly drunk enough to make herself believe it.

“How do you live with this?” She eventually asked. She hadn’t really meant to say the words out loud, but she was too drunk to hold her tongue. The other woman didn’t answer, just tilted her head as she sat down on the other end of the couch. Alex could almost swear that it was done with a hesitancy she wasn’t used of the Kryptonian. Alex regretted letting out the words the moment she’d said them. She wasn’t in the mood for a heart-to-heart with a woman she’d considered an enemy just the day prior.

Maybe Astra knew that. Because when she opened her mouth to say something, it wasn’t an answer to the question. “All will be well, brave one.” She said gingerly. Alex thought she would have spoken like that to Kara, maybe in another life. Back on Krypton. Not to her. It felt misplaced, and she felt an anger bubble up underneath the surface, ready to get out. But she kept it in. She tamed it and forced it to keep hidden away from the outside world.

Instead she started attacking her shoelaces, passive-aggressively untying them and throwing her boots away from the couch. She just wanted to sleep. But the sleepiness she’d felt when she had fumbled with her keys was gone, and had made way for the adrenaline she felt whenever she was about to put up a fight.

She felt a rage that she wanted to act out on. She felt the need to lash out. At anything. Anyone. The temptation to start a fight with the only other person that was in the room was irresistible, but she could contain herself.

“I’m going to bed.” She eventually barked at the other woman, without actually addressing her. She scrambled up clumsily, making her way to her bedroom. On her way she stumbled over the coffee table, and in an attempt to break her fall, she almost knocked it over. The only thing that kept her from completely losing her balance and toppling over was Astra, that had moved quickly – with her superpowers – towards her, grabbing her arm to restore her balance.

But Alex, partly because of the rage she was feeling and partly because it was her way of responding to an attack due to her martial arts skills, pulled the other woman down with her, throwing her on the floor hard, landing on top of her and pinning her down. She was slightly embarrassed by her inordinate reaction, but her brain was too fuzzy to be too bothered by it.

Astra looked up at her with a small smile playing around her lips. She tilted her head a bit to the right, squinting her eyes as she peered at the woman that was still holding her down. She put no effort in getting herself out of the situation, and she put no more effort in hiding her amusement.

“Always on guard, soldier.” She drawled, her eyes boring into the ones that were staring down at her. The confusion was readable on Alex’s face, her heart rate elevated and her skin slightly flushed.

Once she realized what position she was in, and how it could be interpreted by fictional bystanders, she let go of Astra’s wrists, rolling away and sitting against the couch. She would aim for standing up and walking away from the situation, but she had to settle for sitting on the floor awkwardly first. She was dizzier than she liked to admit, and she supposed she couldn’t just blame the alcohol for that.

“I didn’t mean to do that.” Alex muttered, frustrated by her own behavior. She wished she’d held back on the alcohol at Kara’s place. Then she could have locked herself in a her room already, burying her head in her pillows and forgetting all about what had happened that day.

Astra had moved to lean on her elbows on the floor, still eyeing Alex as if she were doing something highly amusing.

“Forget it.” Alex huffed, pushing herself up in standing position. “You can sleep on the couch.” She added exhaustively. She needed time alone. Time to think. Collect all the thoughts that were echoing through her head, causing a constant buzzing noise in the background of her intoxicated mind.

“I admire your strength.” Astra interrupted the younger woman. She froze in her tracks, turning around, suspiciously looking for any sign of humor. But the woman was serious, she concluded. She wanted to tell her she was wrong, but somehow she couldn’t find the words that would actually prove she was wrong.

So she settled for a “Why?” instead, feeling somewhat uncomfortable with the generosity in compliments. She was wary of the other woman, feeling as if there were some hidden agenda she wasn’t telling her about.

“That’s quite obvious, isn’t it?” Astra simpered, she seemed to be in her element now. Alex thought she was toying with her, being ambiguous on purpose. Like a big cat playing with her mouse-shaped breakfast.

“Not as much as you think.” Alex countered, rolling her eyes for good measure. She was going to dare the other woman say what she was insinuating, but she figured she wouldn’t get a straight answer anyway.

“That’s unfortunate.” Astra shrugged, turning to the couch. And with that the conversation had ended.

“I’ll get you a blanket.” Alex offered when she realized she was inspecting the couch, probably wondering what was going to keep her warm all night. And it was certainly not going to be her.

Ten minutes later, after dumping Astra on her stupid couch, Alex collapsed on her own bed, falling asleep almost immediately. When she woke up hours later, she had a raging headache, which she guessed was her punishment for the amount of drinking she’d done.

She tossed herself on her other side, rolling over to the cold side of the bed. She buried her head in her pillow, sighing deeply. At least she could sleep in that morning, which was something she was very grateful for. She wasn’t very good at sleeping in, but her head felt very heavy and she was exhausted. Both physically and mentally. She laid there for a few minutes, enjoying the feel of her blankets around her and the softness of her bed.

Until it dawned on her that she wasn’t alone in her apartment.

She groaned at the thought, wishing that it all had been a dream and she’d finally woken up. It could have been true. She had dreamed about Astra, that much she did remember. She did not remember what it was about, or why she had dreamed about the woman. And frankly, she didn’t even want to know.

She allowed herself to slumber for a few minutes longer, until she threw herself out of her bed, making her way to her bathroom. She walked through the kitchen annex dining room annex living room, where Astra had been sleeping on the couch. But the blanket she had fetched for her the night before was thrown over the back of the couch, and the woman herself was sitting on it, legs crossed..

“What are you wearing?” Alex blurted out the question. She might have been drunk the night prior, and she might be recovering from a hangover, but she did know what it was that she was wearing.

“I borrowed one of your robes.” She avowed, but she didn’t seem like she did something wrong. She actually looked quite pleased with herself. “It’s so soft.”

Alex was about to bury her face in her hand, because the robe her beloved visitor was talking about, was nothing less than her own bathrobe. Astra – whom she had not ever seen in anything other than a tight black bodysuit – was wearing her bathrobe. And the thing was that Alex didn’t even know if the other woman was just messing with her, or genuinely supposed she was actually wearing a public-appropriate robe. The kind that one would wear to make themselves appear more decent.

Therefore, Alex concluded that she must have been dreaming. This could not possibly be real. Reality was messed up, nothing else would make sense. So she shook her head dismissively as she resumed her journey to the bathroom, leaving Astra in confusion.

Or rather, she left Astra _feigning_ confusion.

Astra noticed that the other woman was fazed by her wearing her clothing. And of all the clothing the kind that you wear after taking a shower. Naked. She had found it in the bathroom of all places, and it being of roughly the same material as the towels she had deduced quickly what it was. And she realized she was drawing her out by the very action.

About ten minutes later, Alex emerged from the bathroom, having wrapped a towel around her body and her hair still wet. She seemed less annoyed and slightly more in a good mood.

And apparently Alex had gotten the hint Astra was trying to send, because she told Astra she was going to get her a fresh set of clothes to wear. Something that was decidedly more comfortable than the suit she was wearing on all the occasions Alex had encountered her before, and very much more appropriate than what she was wearing in the moment.

“Take that off now.” Alex almost ordered as she handed the other woman a black tank top and black sweat pants. She herself was still wearing nothing but the towel, wanting to get the woman out of her bathrobe as soon as possible.

Astra decided against making a comment or taking that sentence too literally, supposing it would be perilous to test the other woman like that. She was already grating on her nerves by wearing her bathrobe. Besides, she was currently elsewhere occupied. The younger woman was standing very close, and was wearing very little, and it surprised Astra that she was so comfortable with that.

But then again, there didn’t seem to be such a thing as personal space when it involved Astra and Alex. The day before Astra had stood close to the DEO agent several times, and had tried to strangle her. Well, she had not really tried to strangle her. If she had, she would have been dead. But her hand had been wrapped around her throat and she had squeezed, which was basically the definition of strangling.

It left her wondering, though, why it was that she couldn’t kill the other woman. Even if their ‘final’ fight had been for show, she knew she couldn’t kill Alex Danvers. And it wasn’t necessarily because she was Kara’s sister. The courtesy of not killing Kara didn’t extend to her human family members, that much she knew. Also until recently she hadn’t even known that Alex and Kara were family.

No, it was something else. Something that made the woman very interesting to her. Very pleasing in a sense that she couldn’t quite grasp yet. She sparked a kind of curiosity that no human ever had, and most aliens either. She hadn’t lied the night before. She did admire her strength. Physically and mentally. It was just not that that was the only thing that was admiring about the woman. There were many things.

There was a certain pull to her. Something that kept Astra close to the other woman, intrigued to the point where she just wanted to stand up close and study her. The way she moved, the way she spoke; everything really. She couldn’t explain it. It was different from anything she had felt before so she couldn’t name it either. But that made it more interesting in Astra’s eyes. Undiscovered territory.

“Now?” Astra questioned, when Alex did nothing to indicate that she was going to take her words back or walk away. She arched her eyebrow to emphasize the question, making sure not to avert her gaze from Alex’s face, who was turning red as she spoke, almost as flushed as the night before, but more contained as well. She was very good at hiding how flustered she was, and again Astra was impressed by her skill set.

“No.” Alex deadpanned, trying to cover up that she was embarrassed by her earlier statement. She just wanted to get the other woman out of her clothing. And she couldn’t really think straight, because she was agitated. Aside of Kara, she didn’t like having people over at her apartment. Especially not if they were touching her things. Wearing her things. And above all, if they happened to be their sister’s mother’s twin sister who happened to have an evil streak.

Astra tilted her head, studying Alex’s face. She stepped just a tiny bit closer, so she could see all the wrinkles around Alex’s eyes. So she could spot every twitch of every muscle. Alex didn’t budge, though. Astra wasn’t good with personal spaces, but she knew humans generally preferred more distance than there was between the two of them. Once again, she found herself curious as to why she let her this close without giving away any sign of discomfort.

“When?” She spoke with a lower voice than Alex was used of her, and it distracted her. The close vicinity distracted her. The fact that she was still wearing her damn bathrobe distracted her. There was a lump in her throat, and she was trying to swallow it. She searched Astra’s face for any sign of ulterior motive. She wanted to know what her angle was. Why she was trying to get on her nerves.

Why she was staring at her like that. Like a scientist that was eyeing a test subject. And another thing that kept her wondering was why Alex herself wasn’t fazed by it. She actually found herself quite comfortable, if that were the right word to use. Or maybe it was more that the discomfort felt comfortable.

Her eyes traveled to the other woman’s lips, then shooting back up at her eyes again. She felt the urge to close the gap between them, to pull the other woman in and kiss. But she considered it inappropriate, so she took a step back again, finding the words she was supposed to say. “Whenever you feel like it. I’m gonna get dressed.” She was very much aware of her own scarcely clothed body, only having a towel wrapped around her, water still dripping from her hair.

Suddenly she felt exposed, and she wanted to get out of the room, but the way Astra looked at her left her unable to act on it. For a hot second she allowed herself to think that the other woman was reciprocating some of the feelings she was having, but the second after that, she pushed the thought away. Far away. She transformed herself back to the Alex she showed at work; the one that she’d shown the other woman from the start, except maybe for the hostility.

She spun on her heels and headed for her bedroom, leaving the other woman behind. She was ashamed of her own hormones, and how they made her feel. Despite her recent shower, it almost made her feel dirty.

In the other room, Astra was checking out the clothes Alex had given her. She wasn’t used to human clothing, but the fabric felt nice underneath her fingers and the fact that it was Alex’s made it even better. She was aware of how she had acted around her, and what it might have meant. And she wondered how much longer the younger woman was going to pretend there was nothing going on between them. How much longer she could fight it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading ^^ Because there were so many people interested in another chapter, I've written it. :)  
> (And I'm going to write more if you are still interested. This chapter is much more angsty compared to the first one, so I wonder if you still like it. So let me know if you do, and a third one will be on its way as well.)  
> Anyway, let me know and enjoy :)

Astra had been living in Alex’s apartment for almost a week now. It was Friday night and Alex was spending her night with Kara and the two boys she couldn’t bother to learn the names of. She knew they meant a great deal to her niece, but they had done nothing to pique her interest, so she hadn’t shown it either.

Besides, it didn’t really make any difference. Not now. She was basically locked up in Alex’s apartment. She couldn’t show her face outside, because there would be a possibility that Non or any of their army would spot her, and then their advantage with Astra joining the DEO’s side would be gone.

It was like being imprisoned in the DEO itself all over again. Although she had to admit that the couch was much more comfortable than the cot she had been sleeping on in her tiny cell. And at nights Alex kept her company, which was better than the solitude that the DEO had offered. Or the torturous visits of General Lane.

But she wasn’t good at sitting still. At waiting for the right moment to strike. Till the dust had settled and everyone would have forgotten about her. They were also tied to the schedule of Non and his plan. They couldn’t really do anything until he played his next move. But it didn’t make the silence any less loud, and it didn’t do anything to dull the boredom she had to endure.

She wasn’t the only one with issues, though. She noticed Alex’s drinking habits deteriorating every night. The moments that Astra encountered her sober, were the ones in the morning, before she left for work. She would never drink on her job, or show any signs of intoxication while she had to protect her sister, but in the evenings, after dinner, she would drink wine, and sometimes stronger alcoholic beverages.

Astra couldn’t say she wasn’t concerned about her increasingly worrying behavior, and how good she was at hiding it from her loved ones. Astra was certain that if her niece had known about it, she would have intervened, but Astra herself didn’t know if it were up to her to do it. Apart from living together, they didn’t share anything. They didn’t have a relationship of any kind. The only connection they had was Kara, and their newfound collaboration agreement.

So she had kept her silence, pretending not to see how the other woman struggled with her sobriety. Until she returned from Kara’s place that night.

She had been drinking again, and to cut her some slack, Astra had opened the door for her, so she didn’t have to fumble with her keys until she finally managed to do it herself. She was less drunken than she had been on any of the other nights that week, but she seemed more tormented than ever. “Are you all right?” Astra asked, hiding the worry from her voice.

Alex pushed past her, much like the week before, when she had returned from her gathering at Kara’s place after she supposedly killed Astra, but she could tell there was something going on. The anger that was evident in her posture was more rigid than Astra had seen her before, and she was even more worried now.

Alex breezed to her couch, but she didn’t sit down. She kicked out her boots, and one of them ended up knocking the remote control off her coffee table. It landed on the floor and the batteries popped out, rolling over the floor. She followed one of the batteries with accusing eyes. She wanted to trash her own place, throw things and punch the walls, but she knew she had to contain her anger.

She didn’t even remember going home, otherwise she should have decided to stay away a little longer, going to the gym to take it out on a punching bag instead of her own apartment.

“If you need to vent, at least take a hit at someone that fights back.” Astra pointed out, basically offering herself to be used as that punching bag. It wouldn’t matter to Astra. Alex was a good fighter, but Astra was a Kryptonian, so it wouldn’t hurt. Which seemed to be just what Alex needed.

The younger woman considered the offer, supposed it couldn’t do any harm if she took it with both hands. She took off her jacket and threw it on the couch. But as soon as she had, she didn’t want to fight anymore. It was madness, she thought. How she could feel so destructive. She usually didn’t do destructing. She did repairing.

So it made her feel helpless more than anything, and she didn’t know what to do to get rid of the feeling. It consumed everything, her whole body. Her whole being. She felt it inside her, fighting to get out.

She started pacing back and forth, and when Astra opened her mouth to say something again, she took a swing at her. It was uncoordinated, so she missed, almost losing her balance as there was nothing to catch her punch but the wall. The combination of her weight and the force she had put in her swing let her fist make contact with the wall in a very uncomfortable way. A sharp pain shot through her body and immediately extinguished the anger that was burning inside of her.

About thirty different swear words were about to fall off her lips, but instead she just sunk down on the floor, letting her back rest against the very wall she’d just hit. She wrapped her other hand around her injured fist, holding it tightly. It did nothing to ease the pain, but she wasn’t really trying to either. It was almost comforting to feel another pain than the emotional pain she had been feeling all this time. She just wanted it to stop. She needed it to stop.

Astra sat down – albeit somewhat reluctantly – next to Alex. She didn’t know if it were the right thing to do or if Alex would even let her, but she figured an attempt wouldn’t make things worse. Alex was the kind of person that was good at bottling up her feelings until they became too much. It was like stretching a rubber band until it snapped, and that was what was happening with Alex in that moment. The band had snapped.

“She just..” Alex started, some kind of lump in her throat making her sound like she was on the verge of crying. Or maybe she really was. “She’s pretending to be fine, but I see how she’s suffering. I see how she looks at me when she thinks I’m not watching. But I see her.”

For a few moments, both of them remained quiet. But Astra could tell Alex had more to say. She appeared more tired than angry now, and Astra wondered if she had slept at all for the past week.

“She went to see Alura.. even more than before you died.” Alex divulged. She hadn’t meant to tell her house guest, because she deemed the information private. Kara apparently didn’t even want Alex to know about it, so Alex hadn’t asked her about it either. “I have lied to her before. About working with the DEO, but I’ve never lied to her like this. A lie so big. Something that hurts her this badly.”

Alex didn’t even want to talk about it. She felt like she was betraying Kara more than ever. She wanted to throw up. Everything felt so wrong, and she couldn’t stop it. She didn’t know how to stop it. The words were spilling out of her like the bile she gagged up in the morning, whenever she had drunk too much the night before. 

“I should go to bed.” She added somewhat later, scrambling up from where she was sitting. The world was spinning around her, and her eyes had trouble focusing on everything around her. So she just let them run out of focus, staring into nothing. She longed for nothing. Just endless nothing.

“She’ll be all right, Alex.” Astra promised, while changing into standing position as well. If there were anything she knew about her niece, it was that she was strong. She had been through her share of pain and was still standing. Still good of heart.

Alex responded to the use of her name, turning around a tad too fast for the condition she was in. She threatened to fall, but the other woman steadied her, putting her hands on her arms.

“She’s strong.” Astra added sincerely. “Like you.”

Alex looked up, her eyes scanning Astra’s face, but there was a genuineness on her face that made her believe she meant it. She just stared at grey eyes, hoping they would absorb her and let her drown forever. So she could stop feeling. Could stop hurting.

She wanted to believe that the woman’s words were the truth, not just hope. Not some justification for the things she was doing right now. The pain she was inflicting on one of the people she cared for the most. Kara was strong. Stronger than most people she knew. She had endured a lifetime of tragedy and loss, and still she managed to be a hero. So it was probably true. Kara was strong enough to endure this, too.

But Alex didn’t want her to have to be strong. She didn’t want her to suffer through this kind of loss and mourn her aunt’s death only to find out that it was all for nothing. To find out that Astra was alive. That Alex had betrayed her; lied to her all this time. She had lied before, but nothing like this. And the guilt was almost demolishing her.

“She shouldn’t have to be.” Alex sighed. Exhaustion was taking over, but she knew that if she went to bed, sleep wouldn’t take her. And if she ever fell asleep, it would be ridden with nightmares. “You don’t understand it, do you? I have to protect her from that. She already has to be strong every other time of the day. I shouldn’t add up to that. I should relieve her of that kind of pain or worry.”

“You’re doing the right thing.” Astra countered. It was the truth, but she also knew that it didn’t change the way the woman was feeling about the whole situation. But she didn’t know what to do to make that happen. To help her alleviate her pain.

Alex slumped down on the floor again, against the wall. She pulled up her legs and let her head rest on her knees, and it made her look younger than ever. Astra felt sorry for her, but comforting had never been her strong suit, let alone comforting a woman she wasn’t even sure wanted her to do it.

“You don’t have to protect her from everything.” She said as she knelt down and put her hand on Alex’s shoulder hesitantly. Part of her expected her to shrug it off, but she didn’t. Instead she lifted up her head and turned to Astra, her eyes piercing into hers.

“I do!” She grimaced. She looked at her like Alura had sometimes looked at her whenever Astra had done something that had hurt her. How she had looked when she had sent her to Fort Rozz. Her chest ached painfully at the resemblance. Or maybe it was also because it was Alex who was looking at her like that. She’d grown very fond of the woman, and she hated seeing her this tormented.

“No, you don’t. You cannot.” Astra objected. If there were anything she knew for sure it was that it was not Alex’s job to protect Kara at any cost. She understood the conviction, though. But Alex had to know that the weight of the world didn’t have to balance on her shoulders. That she wasn’t alone and that she didn’t have to protect Kara from everything bad that could happen to her. That the sacrifices she’d made weighted up in the end.

But Alex was a soldier, and she knew the bigger picture. She knew that what she was doing was necessary. So it was fruitless for Astra to make an attempt at ending her qualms. Alex would have told herself the same over and over as a mantra in her head.

“I have to. Someone has to.” Alex sighed in defeat, her head resting on her knees again.

“You’re already the best kind of sister she could ever wish for, Alex.” Astra proclaimed. “Look at me and my sister. We were even built from the same DNA, and she ended up sending me to prison for the crimes I committed.”

Alex couldn’t contain a soft chuckle - one that bordered on being bitter - which lifted the weight off of her for a moment, allowing her to breathe. It was exactly right then that they heard a knock on the door and Alex looked at Astra in confusion. But Astra’s eyes shot to the door knowingly, and she scrambled up from the awkward kneeling position quickly to open the door. Of all the things Alex was expecting – one of them Kara, which was a terrifying thought because if Astra would open the door with Kara behind it, she would know what they’d done and everything would have been for nothing – it certainly was not the pizza delivery girl.

She heard a familiar voice talk to Astra, and after handing the girl some money and receiving a pizza box, she closed the door behind her. She was attempting to contain a grin, but it was done badly and it was rubbing off on Alex. She looked up at Astra with such incredulity on her face that the older woman couldn’t help but smile proudly.

“I figured out how it works.” She gestured at the phone, and Alex furrowed her eyebrows. “It took me a while, so I decided I would buy ourselves a pizza to celebrate.”

Alex shook her head disapprovingly, but a small smile was playing around her lips. “It’s past midnight.” She remarked, pushing herself up from the floor, walking up to Astra to inspect the pizza. When she opened the box, she noticed the other woman had ordered her favorite. She squinted her eyes, assessing Astra’s face.

“It was encircled on the take-out menu. I thought it might be your favorite.” She shrugged, but there was something on her face that didn’t resonate with the nonchalance she was trying to convey. “And I was hungry.”

Alex shook her head again, adding a slightly suspicious “And with whose money did you pay this?” to the gesture.

“You know the answer to that question.” Astra answered provocatively, walking over to the table with the box and setting it down on the table. “But I ordered your favorite.” She offered sweetly, even though it sounded more as mockery than anything else.

Alex knew that the woman was just trying to cheer her up, so she smiled in response, albeit maybe a smaller smile than the other woman’s. She decided that she wanted her to give her the chance to cheer her up. And it couldn’t hurt to try and pretend to feel better than she actually did. Maybe it would make actually feel better.

At the table, Astra had picked up a slice of pizza, inspecting it carefully, bringing it up to her mouth. She was so tied up in the action, that she forgot to pay attention to the other woman, who had snuck up on her. Before Astra could take a bite of the slice, the other woman did, basically hijacking her pizza.

She took a step back to assess Astra’s face with a taunting smirk on hers. “You shouldn’t have.” She simpered. “Now I’m going to eat it all.”

Astra looked back at her with a sour face, but Alex could see it was all pretend. She was playing along with their little competition who could eat the most pizza. The Kryptonian took a bite from the same slice, chewing on it thoughtfully while quirking an eyebrow, her eyes never leaving Alex’s. After she’d finished it, she quipped: “That’s quite appetizing. Although I wonder if it had tasted as well if you hadn’t tasted it beforehand.”

Once again Alex shook her head in disapproval, a move that had become far more familiar than anything about the other woman was to her. A weak smile was plastered on her face, though, but this time it was genuine. She felt a weird flutter in her stomach that she wrote off as a reaction to her use of alcohol and eating on an otherwise empty stomach.

She watched Astra take another slice of pizza for a moment, thinking of what she’d said before. That Kara was as strong as she was. That it wasn’t her job to protect her from all bad things that could happen to a person. That she was lucky to have Alex as her sister. It didn’t make the guilt that she felt for doing what she was doing go away, but it did ease her conscious for a bit, and she was grateful for that. It alleviated the smothering sensation she felt in her chest whenever she thought of Kara.

So maybe Astra living with her wasn’t as bad as she had initially thought it would be. Maybe the woman herself wasn’t as bad as she thought she was. Now that she was standing in her kitchen, enjoying a slice of pizza and getting sauce all over her face because she obviously had no idea how to properly eat pizza, she even seemed harmless. It was also the first moment that Alex really recognized Kara in the other woman. There was something almost innocent about the woman, and she found herself curiously staring at her. Unfortunately, the Kryptonian caught her in the act.

“I thought you were going to devour all this?” Astra asked her, dragging her out of her thoughts, but putting new thoughts in her head in the process. For a second, her mind made a shortcut and she wondered if Astra had meant herself with ‘all this’, but when the woman gestured at the pizza after Alex gave her a questioning look, she grinned. It was more to cover up her embarrassment than anything else, and she figured that if she acted all smugly the woman wouldn’t notice what kind of images the words had conjured up in her head.

“I was just giving you a headstart.” Alex deadpanned, squinting her eyes a little. Astra tilted her head, her eyes carefully analyzing Alex’s movements. The younger woman supposed she was checking up on her, seeing if she were all right. They went from quite a tense situation to one that was considerably less so, and she was probably trying to determine if Alex were hiding an internal breakdown or crisis situation.

But Alex didn’t want to ruin the atmosphere that Astra had created by bringing in pizza, so she tried to convey into the way she looked at Astra that she was fine. She ended up staring a little too deeply into the other woman’s eyes. However, after a while she averted her gaze and directed it to the pizza. When her eyes found Astra’s again, she added a grin, silently vowing her that she would be able to eat more pizza than her and that she ought to be quick if she wanted more of it.


End file.
